more bad ideas

from a recent press release valve did not put out

’source 2, the engine that powers half life 3, was years in the making. included in the programming was a desire to release hl3 very quickly after hl2, so source 2 actually emailed itself back in time, installing onto our machines about 5 pm yesterday, fully finished and ready to go, with a timeline for game design, art creation, coding source 2 from scratch, and development of chronoton-email technology, which we predict will revolutionize all communication and make us very very rich in approximately 15 years.

source 2’s database includes the periodic table of the elements; each object interacts with the world based on the physics model of it’s component atoms, which are rendered in real-time at the virtual quantam level.

here is a little video we made up to demonstrate it’s power. for those who can’t tell, that’s gordon writing his final term paper at mit. we told source 2 we wanted some video of gordon at college, so it got on the internet and did some research, talked to some mit students, and did a sit-in at a few physics lectures. as you can see, the results are pretty impressive. you can actually see gordon’s hair tingeing grey as he frets over the title for his paper.

additionally, source 2 has provided us with the ultimate answer to life, the universe, and everything. we’d love to tell you what the question is, but you’ll have to wait a bit, as that problem will be up to source 3.’

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each Gold Hair headpiece comes with a free bottle of orange clean and a years supply of tarnex.

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coming up next on the horrible film channel, it’s chucky vs the leprechaun! starring warwick davis in a thrilling dual role as both classic monsters…

(channel switch)

you’ve just enjoyed a new episode of the x-files. the simpsons starts in half an hour, but now, stay tuned for Test Pattern! the third highest rated show on television, after x-files and the simpsons.

doop de doop… la dee da…

we interrupt this episode of test pattern to bring you a horrible screeching wail! but don’t change that dial, or you might miss the simpsons!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!